I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
