He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
