You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
