i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
