aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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