The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
