Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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