He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
