Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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