it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
