This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
