I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
