Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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