i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
