Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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