An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
