You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
