I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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