I hate your face
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just gargled with NyQuil
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
