gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
