Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
