My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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