eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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