WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
