walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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