you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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