Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
