woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
