i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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