There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
