While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
