I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
