I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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