Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
