Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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