I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
