I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
