I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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