If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
