she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
