You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Mom said you looked used
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
