Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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