Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
