the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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