How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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