I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
