farters have to be the big spoon...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
