I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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