Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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