it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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