Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
