I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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