At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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