Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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